My ex-husband hadn’t paid child support for 10 years. And yesterday he called asking: “Help me, I’m getting fired, I urgently need money.” I thought for 5 seconds. And then I said words after which he…

The phone rang late in the evening, and for some reason, I immediately felt uneasy. The number was unfamiliar, but my hand hovered above the screen for a second. When I heard the voice, everything inside me tightened — I hadn’t heard it in ten years. My ex-husband spoke quickly, confusedly, almost pleadingly. “I’m getting fired… help, I urgently need money,” he exhaled. I was silent for only five seconds, and then I said a phrase after which he…

We had parted ways long ago. Back then, I thought things couldn’t get any worse. He left easily, almost joyfully, promising to help with the child. For the first few months, I waited for transfers, then calls, and eventually just any sign that he remembered. There was nothing. Child support remained only on paper.

Years began, which now feel like one long day. Work, home, school, illnesses, assemblies, endless bills. I learned to be strong because there was no other choice. The child grew, and along with him, my fatigue grew. Sometimes I just wanted to lie down and not get up, but in the morning I went to work again.

I tried to act according to the law. I went, I wrote, I explained. People sympathized, nodded, shrugged. He was “being searched for,” he “wasn’t officially employed,” there was “nothing to take from him.” And then I simply let it go. Not because I forgave him — because I was burnt out.

I hardly thought about him. Only when I saw other fathers taking their kids to school. Or when the child fell ill and I sat by the bed alone. I got used to relying only on myself. And at some point, I realized that this was what saved me.

The call threw me off balance. He talked about himself: how hard it was for him, how unfairly he had been treated, how he feared being left without money. There wasn’t a single “sorry” in his words, not a single question about the child. As if those ten years simply hadn’t existed.

While he spoke, I looked out the window and suddenly clearly saw our entire life without him. All the holidays where it was just the two of us. All the decisions I made alone. All the fears I lived through in silence. And I realized: he wasn’t calling because he remembered. But because he was in trouble.

When he finished and waited, I said I wouldn’t give him money. That everything I had went to the child. That I had managed without him for ten years — and he would manage without me. I spoke calmly, without reproach. And that’s what seemed to break him.

He started raising his voice, saying that I was obliged, that “we are not strangers.” Then I said those very words: “We became strangers when you didn’t pay child support for ten years and didn’t remember your child.” After that, he was silent. For a long time. And then he just ended the call.

I sat with the phone in my hand and felt not gloating, but relief. As if an old door had closed, which had been creaking behind me all this time.

For the first time in many years, I realized that I owed him nothing anymore — no money, no words, no pity.

Could you have maintained firmness and said “no” if someone who left you with a child asked for help when life turned its back on them?

*****

My ex-husband didn’t pay child support for ten years. He never once asked how his child was living, whether we had enough money, or offered any help. And then last night, my phone rang — his number. He asked me for help, speaking fast and nervously, complaining that he was being fired and urgently needed money. I listened and felt anger twisting inside me. I thought for just five seconds… and then I said one sentence that left a heavy silence on the line…
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